Sunday, October 19, 2008

Justice on my mind

Justice is what love looks like in public.
~ Cornel West ~
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For some reason, justice seems to be on my mind lately and I run across quotes about justice almost every day. Maybe it is because...oh, I don't know...there's not enough of it?
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I want to believe that Life is Good. I want to wear it as a mantle--along with justice.
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It is up to us to see that justice happens. We can choose--not just "politics as usual" but what is true and just and right.
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Join me, will you? And when I stumble, please hold me to the higher order.
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That's what I'm asking you to do.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Response to Superhero Photo Challenge: Counter This

Superheroes are brave. They step out of their comfort zone. They do their best. Here's my first effort to meet the challenge:

Concept is sometimes better than composition:

Macaroons. What can I say?

Take the challenge. That's what I'd do.

Friday, October 17, 2008

The view from my office window today....



These actually go side by side. Like this:


Beyond the trees and leaves is a park. A pond for excess run off ebbs and flows during the rainy season and we watch the ducks and geese play there when the leaves fall off the trees in the winter.
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I'll keep you posted on the seasonal changes. They are really quite magnificent.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Love Thursday ~ 10.16.08


There is no justice we don't make daily like bread and love.
Marge Piercy

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Heaven Help Us

(Painted Church ceiling on the Big Island of Hawaii)

If we had been holier people, we would have been angrier oftener.
John Templeton
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I watched the presidential candidates debate tonight.
Did anyone else notice how much time McCain spent talking about Obama (how bad he is, of course) and how little time he devoted to his own policies and plans (other than to say, "I know how to fill in the blank...")?
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Please vote.
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Like most people, I tend to hang out with people who agree with me politically. Probably most people who read my blog (both of you) agree with me, too. But whether you do or don't--Please...please vote.
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That's what I am going to do.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Things that are Green

  • Bamboo leaves in my yard
  • "Money, money, money...must be funny--in a rich man's world."
  • My envy (much to my dismay)
  • Pistachio pudding
  • Braised chard
  • "Green, green...it's green they say on the far side of the hill / Green, green, I'm going away to where the grass is greener still."
  • Solar power
  • My "Life is Good" shirt
  • The jeans of the sidekick of Captain Kangaroo
  • Lime
  • "God didn't make little green apples, and it don't rain in Indianapolis in the summertime..."
  • My photographer status
  • Artichokes

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Flowers, St. Francis, and Javelinas (or peccaries, but not pecadillos)


I took this shot in the hot desert sun using the macro setting on my Canon PowerShot G5. It was okay, but not as sharp as I wanted it to be. So I went back the next day to try again. My plan was to use the manual focus and see if I could sharpen the picture, but when I went back to that spot, the flowers weren't looking so good.

Later I learned that the night before, a family of wild javelinas came to the center and dined at the feet of St. Francis. Oh, how I wish I could have shot that!

I think they ate the flowers.


That's what I would have done!

Friday, October 10, 2008

It was a week of textures.

In the desert, even when rain and color are absent, texture remains.
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Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Love Thursday ~ 10.09.08

(In the center of the labyrinth at the Franciscan Renewal Center in Paradise Valley, Arizona)
I love St. Francis. I am not Catholic, but I love the gentleness, lightness of spirit, and service that he is known for. So when I visit the Phoenix area, I go to the Franciscan Renewal Center to soak up the vibes and find some peacefulness in the middle of the desert.
There is a labyrinth there that I like to walk. Being in that flow, I feel I am in water, moving with the waves and tides. In the center of the circle, people often leave a token of their journey.
That's where I found this heart. This time, I didn't leave anything. Instead I took a photograph.
I went to the center and brought my creativity back out with me.
It's a good thing.

What I have learned recently

1. The aisle armrest on the airline seats lifts up if you know where the latch is.

2. Just because food is organic doesn't mean it is good.

3. Women connect. (I already knew that, but it always feels amazingly good to "re-learn" it.)

4. I truly can eat too many French Fries.

5. Laughing out loud in a coffee shop while wearing headphones attracts attention.

6. I love www.pandora.com.

7. Adventure is relative.

8. During Mercury retrograde, bloggers blog sporadically.

9. Google Maps isn't always right.

10. It is good to be home and sleep in my own bed.

11. I still love learning.

My favorite shot of the week

(Picture by me. All rights reserved 2008.)


I've been in Phoenix/Scottsdale this week. While I've been here, I am learning to use my digital camera. This is my favorite shot of the week.


(Once I figure out how to use the camera, my next learning experience will be a program for 'shopping the shots. This is the plain old, uncropped picture.)

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

I WON!

I won!

Thank you, Brene.

And, thank you, Kelly Rae Roberts~!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Top 10 Reasons Why I Am Qualified to Be Vice-President of the United States

10. I am a natural born US citizen.

9. I am of legal voting age (and then some).

8. I have been an officer of numberous organizations and I was class president in the 6th grade (or was it the 5th?...Oh, God. Now they are going to run a check on me and find out that I am falsifying my record).

7. I know about economics: We are in deep do-do.

6. I know still more about economics: I balance my checkbook...to the penny.

5. I know about international relations: I have been to Mexico, Canada, the Bahamas, and Belize.

4. I know still more about international relations: I know people from Iceland, Germany, Austria, England, Scotland, Mexico, Belize, Canada, Australia, Sweden, Russia, Poland, Czechoslovakia, Ecuador, Argentina, Venezuela, Haiti, Bahamas, Ireland, France, Switzerland, Ethiopia, Somalia, Iraq, Japan...and probably more.

3. I have had a passport long enough to have to get it renewed twice.

2. I support our troops and want to keep as many of them alive as possible.

1. I know how to listen.

Monday, September 01, 2008

What me worry?

You betcha.

My most current worry is the upcoming election. I don't believe it will be fair. I don't believe that the truth will rise to the top. I may be a pessimist, but I have a bad feeling about all of this.

Now really...why in the world would John McCain choose Sarah Palin to be his VP? Seriously. What has she done to merit that position? So my question is who is really behind that decision?

Many of the people I know think he shot himself in the foot by choosing her. I would like to believe that, but I think there is more spin on it than that. What are they trying to pull? How can she serve the Republican political machine?

  • She is about as conservative as you can get. She supported Pat Buchanan in his presidential bid.
  • Arctic drilling anyone? She is all for it. She can claim to be a fisherman and a hunter, but she has not stood for the preservation of the environment as many outdoorsmen do.
  • She has a 17 year old pregnant daughter. Sarah says she is "proud" of her "daughter's choice" to have the baby and marry the father. Hello! What choice does the daughter have? Sarah Palin is not in favor of abortion even in cases of incest or rape. What 17 year old girl would go against her vice-presidential candidate mother's wishes? The Republicans say they knew about this when they chose Palin. I am having a very difficult time believing that.
  • Former beauty queen turned mayor, then governor. You go girl! More power to you. I am so glad you were able to rise to the top and break the glass ceiling. But you are not Every Woman. Just having the parts doesn't qualify you. You have to know something to get the job done.
I make no secret of my disappointment that Hillary Clinton didn't win the nomination. I have been a fan of hers for years. She knows what she is doing on the national and international levels. She is the best person for the job. No longer an option. Damn.

Since the women's movement began, I have said we will have a black man for president before we have a woman president. I am disappointed that Hillary won't be our first non-white-man-president. Given that she can't be, I sure hope Obama is.

Every year since the end of the influence of the Clinton policies, my business has declined. I can't afford four more years of that. We are spread thin in a war that we likely can't win and there is now talk of going into Iran. They are talking about building a fence around the country--won't that take away what makes America what it is? Our civil liberties are eroding daily. I feel so much safer knowing that we can't take full shampoo bottles on the plane. (Oh, and by the way, now that we can't carry our liquids on--let's charge for bags.)

I wish I had more faith that We The People would do the right thing.

One of the arguments I hear when I talk politics with people is "Politicians all lie." If that is true, then here is my question....

What are you going to base your decision on? I don't have to believe any of their lies, but I do need to look at their track records. What are they lying about? I would rather have someone lie to me about their sex life (because I don't give a rat's ass who screws whom...as long as it is not me) than about why we are going to war. I would rather believe in those who actually do something FOR the people rather than TO the people, regardless of their words.

I truly am worried about the state of the union and the state of the planet.

I am voting my values...and one of those values is not to impose my beliefs on others. Can they say the same?

That's what I am going to do. How about you?

Wanda

Friday, August 08, 2008

08.08.08 - Love List Friday

The eight things I am loving today:

1. The date... 08.08.08!

2. My phone number that ends in 0888.

3. My enneagram* type... 8.

4. The 8 scoops of coffee I use in my French press.

5. 80,000 miles rolled up on my odometer this week.

6. The street where I live...

7. Current temperature in the 80s and not the 30s as seen above.

8. I have $8 in my pocket.


Wanda


*This is only one web site dealing with the enneagram. It is an oral tradition; however, several books, tapes, and web sites are available.

Let It Be


When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me,
Speaking words of wisdom...
"Let it be."
I took this picture at the Painted Church on the Big Island of Hawaii. Wish I were there.
I guess I will put myself in an Aloha state of mind for today.
That's what I'll do.
Wanda

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Blank

I sit in front of the computer looking at the blog entry page. No words. Nothing comes to the forefront to fill the blank page.

Sounds like writer's block, doesn't it? But it isn't really. You see, words aren't my first language. Not a good thing for someone who wants to write...or speak, for that matter.

It doesn't help that I am still in the Dark Night of the Soul. Some days I actually have headlights so I can see a little ways into the distance. Some days we are talking air raid blackout.

And then there's the brain fog. I grew up in a small Oregon coastal town. Frequently, fog blanketed the area. Finding my way home happened by inches. I could see inches ahead and kept trusting that the next twelve inches hadn't changed since the last time I traveled them and I could still recognize them when I came upon them.

That's how brain fog is, too. I can't see far enough ahead to form a whole paragraph, yet usually I recognize the next word when I come upon it.

I keep wanting to post more regularly. When words and ideas aren't flowing, the process stalls out. So in the meantime, I just keep showing up.

Suit up. Show up. Sit on the bench or play your best game. Some days the two are the same.

Wanda

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

I love Thursday

Tomorrow is Love Thursday. I am going to love my body.

No...not that way.

I am going to Bonneville Hot Springs to take the mineral waters. I am going to soak in the natural mineral pool and probably take a nap in the afternoon because I get so relaxed when I am there I can't keep my eyes open.

Ahhh...love it.

That's what I'd do.

Wanda

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Today's Truth

I hate being misunderstood.

Sometimes I know I am not communicating clearly. Sometimes tone gets omitted (like in email) and that changes everything. Sometimes what the other person says to/about me doesn't mean the same thing to them that it does to me.

My feelings get hurt. I scramble to try to "fix it" (the miscommunication or misunderstanding). Usually, we resolve the problem, but it doesn't change the fact that the mismatch occurred.

In a few hours, it is usually over. By tomorrow I might not even remember what the problem was.

But in the moment, it feels bad. I feel bad.

I think I will go to bed and let sleep take it all away.

That's what I'm gonna do. See you tomorrow.

Wanda

Monday, July 28, 2008

One Truth for Today

I miss me. I miss my energy. I miss having the brains to be creative.

Okay. That's more than one truth, but they are all related.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

What's next?

(Photo by Rebecca)


Dragonflies symbolize transition. Friday when I went noodle bobbing, dragonflies circled us in the pool. Dragonflies appear to me regularly. I get it.

Yes, this is definitely a time of transition. Understanding that message, however, doesn't make clear the way forward. At the moment, I take the next step as it comes...as I am able.

For 25 years, I have been a psychotherapist. In that profession, one learns to keep oneself to oneself. Sessions are about the client. That's the way it needs to be.

Here I feel stuck as a writer. Spending the last quarter century not revealing myself, I now struggle with the practice of showing up and telling it like it is for me.

I don't know what that will look like. I just know it will be different. That's how it is when coming through a dark night...too dark to see where the next step takes me, but knowing that I have to put my foot down somewhere.

So that's what I'm going to do.

Wanda

Friday, July 25, 2008

If you can't say anything nice...

I'm in a funk. A very long "dark night of the soul." I guess that's more than a funk, but you get the drift.

I don't want to complain here so I have basically kept my mouth shut. I haven't wanted to complain and I couldn't figure out how to put a positive spin on things. Being "nice" feels like too much work at the moment.

So today, I am going to have "spa day" with my friend. She lives on Hayden Bay overlooking the Columbia River. We get in the pool and bob around on noodles while enjoying the view. Each of us unloads the happenings in our lives since the last time we had spa day, letting the water wash away the gravity while we bear witness for one another.

So next time you can't think of anything nice to say...find a friend and some water. Bob on your noodle.

That's what I'd do.
Wanda

Friday, July 04, 2008

Amen America!

Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave room for the wrath of God; for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord." No, "if your enemies are hungry, feed them; if they are thirsty, give them something to drink; for by doing this you will heap burning coals on their heads." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Romans 12:19-21)


Quite serendipitously we started watching the John Adams mini-series this week. Last night's we saw the founding of the Continental Army and the Declaration of Independence.

King George III started cracking down on Massachusetts, removing their liberties and access to goods. Because those New Englanders refused to pay taxes without having a say, they suffered the wrath of George and his army fired on the citizens of Lexington and Concord.

This series, obviously, tells the story from the point of view of John Adams, a man of integrity and intelligence. However, the interaction of the delegates of the Continental Congress brought them all to life: Ben Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, Sam Adams, Alexander Hamilton, John Hancock, and more.

What surprised me most in the discussion was the reluctance of the Quaker from Pennsylvania to declare independence from the king. Being a Pacifist, of course, he abhorred the thought of war and the loss of life on either side. That makes sense to me. However, being held under the thumb of the crown, not having access to goods, and being stripped of individual rights and freedoms left him on the horns of a dilemma.

The decision to declare independence had to be unanimous. To be legally correct a majority would do, but everyone knew that for this act to have the necessary impact on the crown and full commitment from the individual states, the decision must come from one mind. Ultimately, we know the outcome. All voted for independence, except New York who abstained.

The Quaker from Pennsylvania could not vote for a stand that he knew would lead to war. He also knew that the tyrrany of the king presented untenable conditions. What to do? When the time came for the vote, he was "indisposed" leaving Benjamin Franklin to vote for Pennsylvania.

What do you do when you are faced with choosing between options that have both good and bad/positive and negative consequences? How do you decide? Which is the most loving act?

Such choices are not simple. What is right? What is wrong? How does one weigh one form of death (war) against another (tyrrany)? What course of action overcomes evil with good?

At the end of the episode, Congress read The Declaration of Independence aloud to the people. As I sat in my living room on July 3rd, 2008, patio door open to let in the mildness of the evening, listening to the reading of the Declaration, fireworks exploded. Tears came to my eyes with the enormity and synchronicity of it all.

And as the reading ended, everyone said, "God save the United States of America."

Please.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

A Force for Good

Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders & says...

"Oh shit...she's awake."

This quote was sent to me by sar_girl. I love it. I love the imagery and I love the intent behind it.

I mean think about it....

How cool would it be to be recognized as such a force for good in the world that all that is NOT shudders and shakes and runs from you, knowing that you will NOT tolerate IT?

As you walk through your day, notice what opportunities you can take to "make Satan shudder." Then come back here and tell us about it. Inspire us all. And we can all know we are not alone on the path.

That's what I'd do.

Wanda

Monday, June 16, 2008

Don't Make Me Call My Sister (Part Deux)

Thank you for your interest in "Don't Make Me Call My Sister" Tshirts! In order to make it simpler, you can now place your order by going to the sidebar on the right.

Go to What Would Wanda Do? ... Stuff and click on "Order 'stuff' by clicking here." An email window will open up and you can tell me what you want (size, quantity) and where to send it. I will send you an email to let you know how you can pay me. It's that simple.

So if I were to order What Would Wanda Do? ... Stuff, that's what I'd do.

Wanda

Monday, June 09, 2008

Don't Make Me Call My Sister


This is my sister. We cover each other's backs. It's a good thing. You don't want either of us to call her sister. And my brother...whoo-doggies! He's got "Sisters"!

We can have sisters by birth or marriage or choice. It doesn't matter what kind of sister you have. You can still have a shirt. Send me an email if you want to order. Even if you don't have a sister, you can make people believe you do.

It's a good thing, indeed.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Grateful, I am

My sister, Rebecca at Gratitude Practices gave me a plug today. Thank you. You are too, too kind, R.

Anyway, visiting her blog set me to thinking about what I am grateful for...

~ enough

~ having people who love me

~ having people in my life whom I love

~ the squirrels on my back deck who come knocking for food and bring me an unquantifiable amount of pleasure when I watch them

~ sight

~ the ability to feel pain

~ freedom to have opinions and express them

~ being an adult

~ San Pellegrino

~ homeopathy

~ blogs

~ Xena, Warrior Princess

~ prayer flags

~ St. Francis of Assisi

~ reading

~ teeth...even though some of them were bought and paid for rather than the ones I grew

~ finding a lost earring back

~ Ode Magazine

Write about what makes you grateful. Share your list here or on your own blog. Sometimes, a little introspection of the positive nature is a very good thing. Give us all a boost.

Oh, and by the way, it's Love Thursday. Being grateful is a good way to spread the Love.

That's what I'd do...

Wanda

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Liar, Liar...

Last month unauthorized charges appeared on my Qwest telephone bill from ESBI on behalf of Your Business Solutions. I contacted Qwest. The representative not only wouldn't take it off my bill, but told me that I would have to contact the company who placed the charges on the bill.

I contacted ESBI through email. They told me I would have to deal with YBS directly. "We just did the billing for them."

I tried. I called. No one answered. I left a message on their online customer service form. I called again and left a message on their phone...an explicit message saying I had not requested their service and if they did not remove the charge and cancel the service I would turn them in to the PUC (Public Utility Commission).

I waited. I heard nothing from Your Business Solutions. So, as promised, I called the PUC and registered a formal complaint. The very helpful people there said they would look into it and get back to me. In the meantime, they said, it would be a good idea to contact Qwest and tell them that I was contesting those charges so I wouldn't be paying the full amount of my bill.

I called Qwest again. This time the representative told me that she would be happy to take the charges off my bill. Why didn't they do that the first time I called? And I registered a complaint with Qwest for allowing that unauthorized charge to get through.

Weeks passed. I heard nothing. I assumed all was resolved.

Yesterday, I got a message from Charlotte at the PUC. She finally got through to the offending company who said that 1) someone had requested the service electronically from my home, and 2) someone with my name had called and said they hadn't meant to sign up for the service so Reggie (the customer service rep) told that someone that the service would be cancelled immediately. Charlotte went on to say that they might take the charges off, but she couldn't be sure, because they had "everything lined up" on their end. It all looked legitimate to her.

NOT and BULLCACA.

PHISHING SITE and LIE.

On a phishing site, all you have to do is open the web page and they have you. Then when you notice and call them on it, THEY LIE.

Just writing about this makes my blood pressure go up. How can these people live with themselves?

On the one hand, I could say, "No big deal. I caught it. It is taken care of. Let it go." But they cost me...time and energy...peace of mind...blood pressure. All for $8.43.

I guess if you get enough people who aren't paying attention and you charge them $8.43 a month until they figure it out, that adds up to a tidy profit. I repeat--how do these people live with themselves?

On Tuesday (because I can't do anything before then because it is Memorial Day on Monday) I will call the PUC again and I will tell the rep that YBS lied and I NEVER talked to Reggie or anyone there. If YBS does not remove the charges, I will file another complaint.

So, check your phone bill and watch out for ESBI and Your Business Solutions.

That's what I'd do...

Wanda

Friday, May 23, 2008

Friday Love List a la Meg Fowler

Love Thursday isn't enough this week. I need to rack up the love points because I have been such a crank this week. Once again I am inspired by a fellow blogger, megfowler.com.

Herewith are some things I love:

megfowler.com...who makes me belly laugh regularly

Kettle organic potato chips

Weltenberger Kloster Asam Bock

Hawaiian shirts, shorts, and flip flops

driving with the top down listening to Jimmy Buffett on the stereo

motorcycles...cruisers

the ocean--especially, the warm ocean

spontaneously singing a song that fits whatever is happening at the moment--as if life truly were a musical comedy

Ugly Betty

coffee...pretty much anything but Starbucks

mineral hot springs

squirrels knocking on the patio door for me to come out and feed them

being right

freshly shaved legs that are not bleeding

my bed with the Tempurpedic mattress

crisp French fries...thin cut--no steak fries

big negotiable checks made out to me

being healthy

being inspired and having the juice to act on it

Crocs and Trellos...the originals

getting it

wisteria growing through the trees

Misi licking coconut oil off my fingers

















(This is Misi.)



Thursday, May 22, 2008

Orange Alert...55 degrees and raining

I am home from Phoenix...now in Portland. A 50 degree drop in temperature overnight and I am cold.

The trip home was uneventful. We arrived at the Phoenix airport in plenty of time and for the first time, didn't even have to wait in line to go through security. On the way into the security area a sign was posted with today's security alert level--"orange"...that means "High."

What are we supposed to do with that information? Nothing tells us why it is "High." No one tells us what to do differently. What? We are supposed to be a bit more worried today than usual? I am supposed to be more somber and smile less lest someone mistake me for a ne'er-do-well who is up to no good, looking joyful because I am about to do something bad to someone?

Puh-leeze. Does someone's 4 year old pick the color of the day?

If my taking off my shoes and not carrying my shampoo and deodorant on the plane really made air travel safer, I would be delighted to oblige. If the person behind me taking off his belt and putting his chapstick in a quart sized plastic bag truly improved National Security, he would cooperate joyfully and I would stand by in salute, cheering him on.

I will cooperate. I do cooperate. I must cooperate in order to get where I want to go.

But until they can show me how these requirements make a difference, I continue to believe that this is a crock designed to wear us down and erode our civil liberties using fear as a weapon against us. That is the Us v. Them mentality that concerns me the most.

So far, all this type of security requirement has done is lock up an entire day to take a 2 or 3 hour flight and ensure that we all eat lots of bad airport food and buy plenty of bottled water on the other side of the security gate. The vendors are making out like bandits.

Despite is all, I am glad to be home wearing my sweats and slippers, staying in out of the rain instead of the sun. The fireplace is burning and I am going to go watch a movie.

That's what I'd do...
Wanda

Love Thursday ~ 05.22.08

I LOVE this man.



Never met him. Never talked to him...but I would love to.

I am reading his book--this book. I bought it after hearing Terry Gross interview Gene Robinson on Fresh Air. Among other things, he talked about his prayer life and how he deals with the hate mail he receives as the first openly gay, non-celibate Episcopal Bishop. This man lives his faith, following in the footsteps and teaching of Jesus.

Gene Robinson is a man of Love...and faith...because that's what Jesus asks us to do.

This isn't about religion, folks. It's about Love.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

If I Had My Life to Live Over, I Would...

The beautiful (and I do mean beautiful!) Karen over at Chookooloonks (see her May 20th entry) inspired me by reprinting the poem of 85 year old Nadine Stair. So What Would Wanda Do?

~ Always wear comfortable shoes...and clothes...regardless of the fashion edicts of the day.

~ Care less about what others think of me...or say about me.

~ Take more vacations.

~ Say "I love you more"...and mean it.

~ Learn to surf.

~ Take more risks.

~ Follow my intuition and trust myself more than the experts.

~ Paint more pictures.

~ Hike the wilderness.

~ Fly.

~ Learn to speak more languages.

~ Take better care of myself...even if it means not taking care of others as much.

~ Write more.

~ Keep singing even when others want to take it away from me.

~ Follow my dreams.

~ Have no regrets.

~ Put fresh flowers in my room...especially daffodils and roses.

~ Reserve the right to change my mind.

~ Add to or subtract from my lists and not let anything be carved in stone--by me or anyone else.

That's what I'd do. How about you?

Wanda

Monday, May 19, 2008

Things to Do When the Mercury Passes 105...

1. Stand on the scale and watch the indicator drop while you melt.

2. Gather the drippings and make soap out of them.

3. Avoid pavement...for obvious reasons.

4. Slap anyone who says, "Hot enough for ya?"

5. In a display of your drinking problem, pour ice water down your cleavage. (Decide that is not such a problem.)

6. Keep your top on. (The convertible top! But did you enjoy the image?)

7. Sit under a weeping jacaranda tree. (They really do weep. It's like sitting in a soft, cool rain.)

8. Drink ice cold beer--or ice cold anything. (See #5.)

9. Get in the swimming pool--naked. (It's a sure fire way to get the pool all to yourself. Well, maybe not for you, but it is for me.)

10. Buy ready-to-bake bread dough and leave it in your trunk while you are at work so it is ready for dinner when you get home.

11. Do Bikram in the park...or the parking lot.

12. Lay your jerky out to cure for the winter.

13. Fly. (Why not?)

14. Act out your inner Warrior Princess. (You might as well enlist the crankiness factor for a positive outcome.)

15. Watch Dr. Zhivago and throw yourself into the landscape.

That's what I'd do. How about you?

Wanda

Don't It Make You Want to Go Home?

Our lifelong nostalgia, our longing to be reunited with something in the universe from which we now feel cut off, to be on the inside of some door which we have always seen from the outside, is no mere neurotic fancy, but the truest index of our real situation.
~ C.S. Lewis ~

I'm not from around here.

I don't mean Phoenix where I am visiting. I don't even mean the swatch of geography on Blue Planet that I call my home most of the rest of the time.

I am talking about the whole of this orb.

Have you ever felt that way? Apparently, C.S. Lewis did and he got it. This is not who we are.

And here's the part I love about this quote: The longing that I feel is "no mere neurotic fancy." No pathology. The longing is a recognition that we are on the outside of...something.

I want to belong. We all do. It is our nature.

But the fact that I don't feel I belong here isn't just that I don't fit the fads and the fashions and that I don't understand the cultural phenomena of making people "not one of us." It is that I don't belong here.

It is okay that I am here. I can live here and get along, but it is not all there is and my soul knows it. My wanting to go home is not a neurotic notion, but a true longing of my soul.

Thank you, C.S. Somehow, knowing that someone else gets it makes me feel not so alone...not so "other."

See you on the other side of that door, C.S. (By the way, how is it?)

Wanda

[I subscribe to a daily inspiration called Verse and Voice from Sojourners. The opening statement is their quote for today.]

"But it's a dry heat..."

And I am here to tell you, once it is over 105 degrees it is just too damn hot--dry or not. I am in Phoenix on a business trip. It is a lovely area and not usually this hot at this time of year. I planned to be here now for a break from the damp, gray spring at home in the Northwest. Any guesses about the weather there? Beautiful...85 degrees. It's what I expected here.

It is even too hot to sit in the pool, let alone by the pool. So I am hanging at the coffee shop. They are wonderful here. People hang here all the time and for this five day period, I have become a regular. Good coffee. Good tea. Good people.

If you get a chance, check out a Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf. (I thought I ought to give them a plug for their hospitality, since I am not paying rent. I am sure they will appreciate both of you knowing about them.)

No sweat,
Wanda

Sunday, May 18, 2008

10 Things I am Thinking About Doing for Money...

I have been contemplating ways to make a huge chunk of money so I can take a sabbatical to a tropical island. I have ocme up with a few ideas, but I am wondering...do you have anything to add? Suggestions welcome!

1. Write a romance novel.

2. Sell my body...by the pound.

3. Be a matchmaker. (Not the little wooden ones that make fire...the relationship kind.)

4. Golf. (I'll make a fortune if they pay me for each stroke.)

5. Win the lottery--the ubiquitous "Every Man's Dream"...and yes, I do buy tickets.

6. Start an eco-friendly business that pays employees well and becomes a sustainable operation for the planet and the work force.

7. Sit on a busy street and play my guitar and sing with a big bucket in front of me for tips...and large checks...from admirers who just can't help themselves from contributing to my future and the well-being of the planet once they have heard my dulcet tones and angelic strains.

8. Become a member of a highly sought after Think Tank. (Can you imagine being paid to just think?)

9. Serve on the boards of several large corporations who value my opinion and insight to improve their footprint on the planet...and the experience of the people who work for them.

10. Break a world record...in something...and live off the endorsement contracts.

Come on--help me out. What would Wanda do?

Thanks.
Wanda

If YOU were Wanda, what would YOU do?

I originally posted this as a response to a comment on the previous post, but I decided that it bears greater visibility--and I want to know what you think.

Let's talk about the police crimes I have seen.

I go to a gasoline cardlock to buy my fuel. Frequently, the local police are there fueling up at the end of their shifts.

A couple of important safety rules are in place to use the cardlock pumps: 1) Don't use cell phones while standing by the pumps outside of your vehicle because of the potential for static spark. 2) Stay by the pump and don't get back in your car in case of fire or pump malfunction.

So what do I see? A gaggle of about four officers fueling two vehicles, all yukking it up...one of them talking on a cell phone.

Another day, the officer who is fueling his vehicle gets back in the car. I am standing by the pump I am using when gasoline overflows his tank and pours on the ground. I stop his pump and pound on his window. He is OBLIVIOUS and says, "Did it shut off?" I told him that it didn't and it was pouring all over the ground. What did he do? He made a joke of it.

And here's the kicker:

I was at a stop light behind a police car where the officer driving was talking on a cell phone. The light turned green. He didn't move, so I tapped on the horn. He took off--speeding through a SCHOOL ZONE. How do I know he was speeding? I was going the 20 mph speed limit and he PULLED AWAY from me. Hmm. It was at this very same place where a friend of mine got a $250 speeding ticket for going too fast. Makes me wish they had caught the cop on photo radar. Do you think he would have been ticketed? I hope so.

So here's my question...if you were Wanda, what would you do having witnessed these egregious errors--all from members of the same police force? Would you let it slide? Would you...? What would you do?

Wanda

Monday, May 12, 2008

Shame, shame on...whom?

Wanda--

Here is my question

Why do people do everything to "win" by making other people wrong? What's up with that? Is it human nature and something we have to guard against, or is it a result of our narcissistic society?

Lala


Dear Lala:

Shame.

No, no...not shame on you for asking. Shame causes us to behave that way.

When we feel bad about ourselves, that is shame. Some people, have not developed their capacity to deal with those feelings so they project them on to others, making themselves good and the Other bad. That's where the narcissism comes in.

"I am bad" (or as someone I know used to say, "I am the piece of shit the universe revolves around") is shame. "I did something wrong and I feel bad about it" is guilt. We need some healthy guilt sometimes. We need to own up to screwing up and feel bad enough about it that we are not inclined to turn around and do it again for jollies or to make someone else feel bad or to see if we can get away with it. The need to make others wrong so we can be right is not the good kind of guilt or shame.

We try to make the person wrong instead of the behavior. That seems to be a cultural imperative.

Look at our advertising. If we are not like the models we are bad. Never mind the fact that the models aren't even that perfect. They are airbrushed and composites of body doubles and photo shopped to look that good. If we saw the model walking down the street in her natural state, we wouldn't recognize her because she would look like a real person. Yet this is what we are supposed to live up to.

And don't even get me started on Reality TV. Provocative behavior and winning at all costs is required. Apparently, these are the values our culture now promotes because it sells. We live vicariously through this media. Ouch.

Prison shows. Crime shows. Cop shows. Gangstas. Violence. What do we really value? And shouldn't we be ashamed of some of this? I think so.

Parenting styles swing between shaming and over-indulgence. As long as shaming people for who they are instead of what they do is the cultural norm, we will have this tendency.

When cooperation, responsibility for self and to others, respect, and values of interconnected humanity become the norm, then we will ALL start feeling better about ourselves.

Consciousness and personal values will bring us out of this mess. Try to become conscious of the language of shame and the interactions you have with others. That's what I'm trying to do.

Wanda

NB: None of this applies, of course, to me (in the privacy of my own car) yelling at stupid people doing their imitation of driving.

[...and that last one was a "joke" on me...lest anyone feel a need to shame me for it.]

Failure: Not an option

Dear Wanda,

What would you do today if you knew you wouldn't fail?

Fly. No airplane--private nor commercial. No device to lift me off the ground. No lessons. No learning curve. I. Would. Fly.

I would fly like I do in my dreams...very much like swimming. I lift up on my toes and just keep lifting. Then my arms move in a modified breast stroke. No flapping. The air feels like air, yet my relationship to it is the same as when I am in water. The difference is I can breathe and my hair doesn't get wet. There are no obstacles and I don't get tired. Easy lift off. Easy landing.

Then I thought...ooh--would I rather say "live on a tropical island"? But you know, if I could fly, I could do that, too. Getting on and off the island wouldn't be a problem, and I daresay that if I could fly, money wouldn't be a problem either. I could be an attraction. I could be a delivery service. Somehow, my ability to defy gravity would be my ticket to all things material, too.

Yeah. That works for me. That's what I'd do.

How about you?

Wanda

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

So here's what I'm thinkin'...

You know those changes you haven't seen? Well, here's what I'm thinkin':

Sometimes I am going to answer your questions and sometimes I'm just gonna write. Sometimes I won't have any questions from you to answer...and sometimes I won't like the questions you ask...but don't let that stop you.

Just keep those questions coming in. I am delighted to hear from you and I am so sorry to have been away for so long.

Did you miss me?

Love ya,
Wanda

Monday, April 14, 2008

Pardon My Anger Tonight, Mr. President

Hey Friends...

This is a guest post from a friend of mine. He wrote this last year and I asked if I could print it. He said yes. I thank him. I hope you enjoy it.

Wanda


Pardon My Anger Tonight, Mr. President


Today, the proud Vietnam veteran father tells me of his daughter,
the disarmer of bombs in Baghdad
earning her Bronze Star
but not able to tell of how she comes close to dying nearly every day,
due to “national security”.

The president addresses the nation tonight
wanting more troops to fight more of this war,
not convincing us, a nation of warriors and protesters
of Vietnam, who all well know the decades of
dream terrors and insanities of a senseless war
that achieved death and destruction but gained us
no glory, no land, nor any freedom for anyone, except the refugees
we took with us when we left, tails between our legs.

We know too well the suicides, the alcoholics, the drug addicts,
the practitioners of domestic violence, who have filled our courts
and our prisons, and our homeless shelters, and our mental hospitals –
all the product of a war that served no national purpose.

We who have lived with that have seen this war come upon us,
and we remember not only the cemeteries, but also the nightmares,
the broken spirits, and have felt the agonies of lost souls
living next door, and walking on our streets, and drifting slowly away,
too numb to tell us of their pain, yet screaming in the middle of the night.

So, pardon us for not jumping on your bandwagon, Mr. President.
We wave the flag, and applaud our soldiers in the airports, and we
attend their funerals in solemn silence, hands over our hearts, tears
streaming down our cheeks, and we do this
not for your war, and your sense of history and hunger for glory and fame,
but because these young men and women, brave and courageous every one,
put their lives on the line for their country, and their own sense of honor and purpose,
not buying into your politics and your thirst for destiny and personal pride.

We watch your daughters grow to adulthood, and enjoying the drunken parties
of a private college, and move into careers, safely protected in their high-rise offices, and
gated-community McMansions – no soldiers are they, and not
candidates for the Bronze Star for having to diffuse bombs in Baghdad today.
You haven’t even attended one of our soldiers’ funerals, so how do you
know this kind of pain, you who evaded Vietnam by drinking in Alabama?


And, pardon our anger at this repeated insanity, of a war being fought
likely to enrich your friends, and the oil companies, and God knows what other deals
made in fancy bars and restaurants, and smoke-filled back rooms,
where we haven’t been invited and where our concerns are not on the agenda,
and where the blood of our young men and women isn’t even given a value,
though more and more of it is spilled every day.

We watch the former dictator, the mass executioner of the Kurds, and the oppressor
of his people, hanged before a mocking group of soldiers and puppet government types,
the justice of it all ignored in a rush for more blood, more vengeance, and tribal wars,
to which we were never a party and never had an interest, and where, twenty years from now, our national sacrifice will simply be a footnote to their civil war, and their
religious bickering, going on for another thousand years.

And, their bickering is only slightly more violent and more hypocritical than our own,
And then you end your speech to tell us that God blesses America.
Yet, I wonder if God is, instead, crying for America and for Iraq, and for all war.
And, how many of us feel like joining God in a good cry tonight?

Let them deal with their own views of their own God, and their own theological infighting, and who divides their oil profits and who has this year’s right to pilfer the national treasury, and lead the prayers at the local mosque.

And let us tend to our own problems, and feed and clothe our children, and
provide health care to the sick, and the old, and the insane—
and the tens of thousands of new veterans of a foolish war, who will soon be wandering
our streets looking for a job, or maybe just their sanity –
new veterans, repeating the aftermath of Vietnam and all that it wasn’t.

Make way in the courts, and the homeless shelters, and the unemployment lines,
but not the mental hospitals or the veterans’ clinics, for there is no money now for those,
and let us become ready to meet this new generation fighting a senseless war,
and maybe, again, when we do this all over again, with a new generation of survivors,
we will do it better.
After all, Mr. President, doesn’t practice make perfect?

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Karma

Dear Wanda......do you believe in karma?

Dear Karma Chameleon,

Of course, I believe in karma. But the real question is, "Does Karma believe in me?"

Seriously, the question really isn't about "believing in" karma. The concept of karma is a description for something...some phenomenon...that people have noticed and observed over time. Karma exists. The bigger question for me is "what does karma mean?"

Growing up in the Western World, I don't have the same understanding as those who came of age in the Eastern traditions. In the west we tend to make things too simplistic. I doubt that karma is as simple as, "I must have done something really bad in a past life for this crappy stuff to be happening to me now in this life."

I do believe karma is about balance. But it isn't a linear process. I suspect that karma is both more and less than we know. I think of it as a description of something that is a law of nature--a phenomenon of physics.

Tell me what you think. The lines are open.

Wanda

Ch...ch...ch...changes

So I set you up to look for changes in 2008. Have you seen any yet?

Sorry to be so long in getting back to you all. I have missed being here. No excuses. Just life.

Spring is starting to appear in the neighborhood, so maybe some new posts will bloom soon.

I'll be right back.

That's what I plan to do...
Wanda

Saturday, December 22, 2007

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

May your transition from the darkness to the light be easy and full of joy.

May your feet be warm.

May your heart be uplifted.

May your head stay dry.

And may you know that you are loved.


I am making changes here in 2008. I hope you'll come back and take a look, leave a comment, and yes...ask a question. In the meantime, I leave you with this incredible arrangement...



Enjoy...
That's what I'd do.

Wanda

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

What'll you do?

Wanda,

Here is my question...
What are we suposed to do with out your blog's advice?????

;)


Dear ;) --

Now that is an interesting question, indeed. What Will You Do?

As you might imagine, I have several suggestions:

1) Do what you would have done before you knew WWWDo existed.

2) Make it up as you go along. Improvise!

3) Ask yourself, "What would Wanda do?" and do that. [But do me a favor and don't blame me if it doesn't work out.]

4) Do an internet search to get the answers. That's what I usually do--after all, everything out there is the truth. NOT. Wait a minute--isn't that supposed to be "The Truth is out there"?

5) Keep asking...because eventually Wanda will show up again.

Thanks for your loyalty. I look forward to being able to come back with some regularity. In the meantime, know that you are in my thoughts and in my heart.

As Pooh would say,

Bak sun....

That's what I'd do.
Wanda

You may send your questions to whatwouldwandado@comcast.net or post them by clicking on "comments" below.

Monday, March 26, 2007

How to build a better mouse trap....

I've always wondered about this, although I have personally not experienced this problem. What if, in the quiet of a morning, an unwanted intruder in the form of a mouse enters the tranquility of morning ablutions? Wanda, what would you do?

Just wondering ...
The Mouse without A House


Okay, here's what I would do...

This works best when one is in the middle of one's most personal and delicate of ablutions in the morning (read naked from the waist down):

When your sweet SO calls from the other room, "Honey, can you come here?" Go. There you will likely find your SO tilting the filing cabinet so it stands on only one edge. "I think the mouse is under there and I am afraid to set this down and squish it."

Check the bottom of the cabinet. You will likely find that there is a plinth so that the mouse will not be squished. Set the cabinet down. Then look at each other and say, "At least we know where it is. Now what do we do?"

Wait for SO to get a cup from the bathroom and return to the area; then, tilt the filing cabinet so that the drawers slide out and bang you in the shins. (This is not necessary, but it does add some color--both to the event and to the skin.)

When SO chases the mouse from the hiding place, yell to the cat, "Get it!" and watch as he nonchalantly turns his head to see the small rodent dash past him into the bathroom.

You and SO run into the bathroom behind the rodent. Shut the French doors and the door to the walk-in closet while SO is trying to catch the mouse behind the scale.

When the mouse heads back toward the French door, you are ready. (If you remember that you are not wearing any pants, this next step becomes even funnier.) Play goalie. When the mouse heads for the gap under the door, stick your foot in his path. When he runs up your bare leg, give a kick that flings him free, but not so far that he can't make another run for the door.

This time, try to block him with your foot, miss, and watch in amazement as he crawls through the very small space under the door.

Fling the door open and yell to the other cat, "Get him!" As the cat overshoots and runs beyond the mouse, trap the critter behind the pile of pillows in the bedroom. Lift the pillows carefully and watch the mouse run in the same direction the cat went, as SO yells, "Don't let him get into my office. We'll never find him."

Perhaps the mouse will realize that the cat is in the office and will choose to hide behind the pile of stuff on the floor in the hallway. Grab a pillow from the the bedroom to block one end of the opening. While SO kneels down with the cup, pull the pile away from the wall so that SO lies in wait with the trap at the only opening.

VOILA! The mouse's tail will stick out under the rim of the cup and SO can slip a piece of paper under it. Then SO takes the mouse outside for release where it quivers and quakes until it decides it is safe, whereupon, it gives itself a bath.

Remember that you have no pants on and get a good laugh at yourself. That's what I did.

I mean, that's what I'd do.

Since you asked...

Wanda

You may send your questions to whatwouldwandado@comcast.net or post them by clicking on "comments" below.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Live up to a new diagnosis...

Wanda,

Sorry to bother you with this but it seems my soon-to-be-ex-wife is spending time trying to diagnose me. She even e-mailed it to my parents. Antisocial Personality Disorder? Huh? Me? I am open to any possibility... but...

Is there a term for someone who spends so much time without any education yet trying to diagnose someone else?

I am confounded... What would Wanda do?

Forever yours,
Jason Darling


Dear Jason...darling,

I consulted my learned colleague, a psychologist, regarding the diagnosis question. Her response? "Someone with no education who spends a lot of time trying to diagnose someone else is a fool."

Your S2BX wife seems to clutching at straws and trying to get everyone on her side. How sad...especially, since that kind of behavior usually backfires. Going through a divorce is difficult under any circumstances and the best possible approach is to make it a non-adversarial process. Too bad she is not able to do that.

I would suggest, however, that you do whatever is needed to be diagnosed as a Duck:

  • Let it roll off your back.
  • Have the ability to float on anything (even sh*t) and keep your bill above the water line.
  • No matter what someone says to you or about you, your response is "QUACK!" (That's hard to misinterpret.)
  • When the season comes, fly south for the winter and north for the summer.
  • If you see a hunter (especially one who looks like your wife) with a gun (or a diagnosis) fly higher.
  • Stay out of range of birdshot until you are over the game reserve then circle in for a landing (it is illegal to shoot a duck over the reserve).
  • Travel in a V with your friends.
  • If you are in Oregon, wear green and gold.

If you need more diagnostic criteria, I am sure we can come up with some.

Hang in there, Jason. That's what I would do.

Wanda

You may send your questions to whatwouldwandado@comcast.net or post them by clicking on "comments" below.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

She says, "The Living Situation"...I add, "...from hell!"

Dear Wanda,

A very good friend of mine introduced your website to me and I hope you will have a moment to give me some advice on the situation I am in.

I am currently living in southern France, waiting for my residence permit, going to school, having a somewhat typical student life. I am having some disturbances in my living situation: I am staying with a French man ( in his 60s' or 70s') who is working as a pharmacist ( I am not sure how much he works though) We share an one bedroom apartment. He is my landlord but he pays the rent to the "real" landlord. He sleeps in the living room and I sleep in the bedroom.

When you open the door, living room is on the left hand side and there is a small hall way in which situate bathroom and toilette; at the end of the hall way, there is my room. The disturbing parts are:

1/. Whenever I open the door, alone or with my friends, almost every single time, there he is: naked in front of the porn and jerking off! The scene traumatized one of my friends and surely me as well, especially when I got back one day at 2 PM, he was doing the same thing! 2PM?! 2PM?!

2/. He insults me, judges me for no reason and blames me for the things I never did like an addiction. For example: I am at the point where I am afraid to come back to the apartment. So I leave the place in the morning and I usually get back about midnight. I have not used the kitchen for at least three days.

He comes in my room when he wants and complains that my room is not tidy enough. Tonight, he yelled me for "messing up" the kitchen that I hadn't stepped in the past 72 hours and that I lived like a F&*^ing pig, and that I needed to clean the kitchen up. When I tried to explain, he
told me to shut up and just clean up the mess. Alright, I did. I had no desire to get into a fight at midnight.


I am a literature and language student. I've already graduated and I am currently in a program to improve my French but at the same thing I am doing Italian literature and German. For him, I am a complete loser. He kept pushing me to get a job. He swam open my door while I was still asleep a couple of weekends ago at 8AM trying to get me out of bed to look for a job.

I am taking almost 30 credits at school and I have left my resumes in many places. This is the low season in France, and most of the places want only full time workers. Yes, for the moment, I am job-less. I quit my job when the school started because the work schedule didn't fit my school schedule at all. Money is important, but my education comes first, in any case.

His vocabulary will be something desired. "F&^%" can be used as an adverb, adjective, noun, verb, it can even an independent sentence all by itself; it is a useful word, but don't wear it out!

You may be wondering why I haven't moved out this place. I am waiting for a convocation that would allow me to pick up my residence card from the Prefecture. But there had been some complications on the immigration office and the post office... long story short; I can't move out of this place until I get my residence card. I on the other hand have no idea at all when I will receive that golden convocation and get my rights back. I think I will have to be nice to him for a while because he has my 300 euros deposit.

He finished a book on how to take vitamins and nature weight lose. He is seriously over weight, and it is obviously that he tries very hard to take care of himself: 20 kinds of tablets every meal, every day; 5 kinds of facial cleanser or night cream/day cream all over the bathroom. He was
expecting me to help him sell the books by going to pharmacies one by one and trying to have the owner take the books. I am afraid it is not going to happen because I have school. He has strong mood swings, he could be really happy for one hour and becomes a complete monster the next. I am truly at the point where I desperately try to stay out of the apartment as much as I
can. I leave the place in the early morning for school and I get back as late as I can, hoping he would be asleep by then.


This is a big city and I don't seem to find a place to hide. Please let me know what you think of it.

Thanks.

Sincerely
Emma K.


Dear Emma K.,

RUN! Run as if your very life depended on it.

He may not be physically abusive, but this is emotionally and sexually abusive, even if he never touches you.

What would I do? I would start looking at options for social services to help women deal with sexually abusive situations. I don't know the system in France, but I would certainly go to any social service agencies that might sound like options and they will be able to steer you toward the ones who know what to do.

If I had to, I would go to my embassy. In the meantime, look for other options (even if it is spending the night with friends). You must take care of yourself.

That's what I'd do.

Wanda

You may send your questions to whatwouldwandado@comcast.net or post them by clicking on "comments" below.

A Cyber Fan Speaks....


Anonymous said...

Wanda, where are you? I keep checking. I keep hoping you'll write again. Come back if you can.

A cyber fan.


Dear Fan,

I am honored, indeed. Thanks for inviting me back. Parts of my life are settling down. I have postings in line. I shall return!

Thanks for your persistence in checking back. I do appreciate your loyalty.

Here I come...
ready or not.

Wanda

You may send a question to Wanda by posting a comment below or by sending an email to whatwouldwandado@comcast.net.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Chicken Makes Visit to Hospital

Dear Wanda,

We have a friend in the hospital who has been in and out for several months now do to having his body severly injured in a horse riding accident. We talked to a mutual friend today who said that depression is really setting in on him.

I think we will make the 100 mile drive up to see him but don't know exactly what to say to him or bring to him that would help him out. We haven't seen him since the accident. We have talked about it but I guess have been chicken. What would do you in our position?


Dear Chicken,

First, I send good wishes to your friend and hope he has a good team of doctors, as well as a lot more people like you on his side.

Our culture isn't very good about teaching us how to deal with injury and grief and loss. Mostly, we are expected to keep a stiff upper lip and make our lives look as normal as possible. The fact that you are "chicken" is pretty common. Give yourself a break about that. Just remember that this guy is your friend and you love him and you want to help. Good intentions go a long way.

I am also pleased that you are looking for information, knowing that you don't know what to do. Good intentions are wonderful and having ideas, tools, and skills can make the whole process easier on you, too.

Depression is common after a serious injury or illness. Much of the depression is biochemical because the body requires so much energy to heal and deal with the injury's shock to the system. The adrenals take a huge hit with this kind of accident and once the life threatening portion of the process is over, depression can set in while the body it trying to restore its equilibrium. I once knew a guy who was an Ironman Triathlete. I asked him what he felt after he had finished a competition and he said, "Depressed." The demand takes all his juice and it takes time to recover.

When the shock is not intentionally self-imposed (as in an Ironman competition), we tend to think that the depression is purely emotional. Our ideas about depression and emotional difficulties in this culture are unkind at best and self-destructive at worst. (That, however, is probably the fodder for another post at another time.)

What Would Wanda Do?

I would go visit my friend. I'd take the visit as it comes and "pace" him. Pacing is a concept from Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP). What I'd do is meet the person where he is. I'd match his energy level and his current level of expression to develop rapport. In other words, I would just be with him. Does that mean I would become depressed if he is depressed? No. It means, if he is depressed, I would keep my initial energy level low. I wouldn't come in and start laughing and joking and slapping him on the back. I would test the waters and see how he is feeling. I wouldn't patronize or talk down to him. I would just match him. A really good way to develop rapport is to begin to breathe at the same pace he is breathing. Some of us do this unconsciously; however, in matching his breathing consciously, I am purposefully saying non-verbally, "I am with you. We'll take this at your pace."

After developing rapport, I might begin to "lead" him a bit. Leading is also an NLP concept. Once I have rapport, I can begin to take the lead and see if he follows. I might start to smile a little bit more (on purpose) and tell him stories that are lighthearted to see if he is able to let them in. If he can't start to smile and lighten up with me, then I would back down again and just be with him where he is.

Since I am also a massage therapist, I would probably ask him if I could touch him. You don't say what his injuries are, but I would ask to touch him in a way that wouldn't hurt or jostle his owies. Ideally, if I could touch his back without hurting him, I would put my hands on his adrenals. The adrenals are small glands that sit on top of each kidney at the lower part of the ribcage. Probably, I would just put my hand on his back and hold it there with the sense that I was supporting his adrenals in their recovery. I'd send his adrenals good energy.

If touching his back wasn't possible because of his injuries, I might hold his hand or give him a hand rub or a foot rub--something to make contact with him physically. Touch is an important part of healing and hospitals don't provide for much of it other than turning or poking or prodding and such.

Last, I would talk with him. I'd tell him stories that are light and funny or amusing. I would catch him up on people we both know and care about. If he got around to talking about his depression at all, I would tell him that it is normal to feel some depression after an incident like this and that a big portion of it is physical rather than just emotional. Having that information can take a big part of the worry out of the depression.

Most of all, I would just love him and do my best for him to feel it while I was with him and for a long time after.

That's what I'd do. I hope this helps.

Wanda

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Checking in....

I am sorry to be gone so long. Sometimes priorities shift. I have had family responsibilities requiring my attention lately, so I haven't been able to get to your questions.

I ask for your patience and continued presence. Please, keep checking back. I'll be back soon.

In the meantime, please know that I am thinking of you and missing you all, too.

More soon...

Wanda

Please email your questions to whatwouldwandado@comcast.net or post them as a comment by clicking "comments" below.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Take the High Road--Always the High Road

I work for an organization that is lacking in integrity and where employees are treated very poorly. My particular boss (a supposed leader in the organization) is immature, retaliatory and volatile. I am in a leadership position and have a lot of responsibility for setting strategic direction in my area. I have a terrific team of professionals that I work with and that is the best part of my job.

I am looking for other work partly because the work environment is toxic and the people I work with, in my professional field, are the meanest group of people I've ever met. I don't feel that my professional expertise and judgment are valued or appreciated - in fact, I feel that I'm resented for the work I do.

My question has to do with my own professional integrity as I look for other work. At my level, I would expect to have a candid conversation with my director about my job search so we could do some transition planning for a significant body of work that will come up after the first of the year. However, there could possibly be some retribution if I make my wishes known or at least he could make my life a living hell.

I am torn because I care about the work I do and don't want to leave my wonderful team in the lurch. I also feel strongly about the "right thing to do." I don't want my last weeks there to be hellish, especially since I don't have an exit date. What would Wanda do???


Sounds like a great place to be leaving, even though your team is terrific. My guess is that your team is great because you are there. You bring something to that toxic, intolerable situation that no one else does. Your team is lucky to have you and will miss you, no doubt.

Your boss, on the other hand, sounds like a bully. Perhaps, if you tell him you are leaving and he starts acting out on you, you can bring his behavior to light and call him on it. That could be a great gift to the organization and to your team if he were dealt with and his harmful behavior were minimized.

Take the high road--that's what I'd do. I would check with myself and ask, "How do I need to handle this for me so that I have no regrets--no shoulda, coulda, woulda?" Bottom line I have to live with myself long after this particular job is done.

I would do what my professional ethics tell me to do and have the conversation with my director about the transition planning. I would behave as if the organization appreciated my expertise and professionalism and give them the highest level of service I would want to give to any organization. This one may not appreciate it, but if you can do that for people who don't treat you well, then the next employer who is looking for your level of professionalism will be thrilled. I would do my best to give my current employer nothing to complain about professionally.

If my life became hellish because I made the "right" decisions, I would deal with those things one at a time. Gentle confrontation can work wonders. Whenever I am in a difficult situation that requires confrontation, I do my best to maintain my highest integrity and have no regrets about what I say or do. Often with bullies, all you have to do is stand up to them and they buckle. If you need other tools, check in again.

I hope that helps. That's what I'd do.

Wanda

Email your questions to whatwouldwandado@comcast.net or post them as "comment" below.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

More BABIES!!??

Dear Wanda,

One of my oldest and dearest friends is in a dilemma and I don't know what to tell her. After years of fertility treatments she and her husband adopted a baby. Two years after that they had a biological child of their own without even trying.

Her husband always said he only wanted two kids and now he is ready to have a surgical procedure to prevent any more babies in their family. At one time she agreed on the 2 but now she isn't ready for him to make that decision permanent. She feels really strongly in her heart that she needs to try again.

She is always asking me what to do and I don't know what to tell her. I am not going to get in the middle of that one. Of course, as her friend I want to take her side, but as a parent of 2 kids myself, I totally see his point. I also understand at her age with the struggle she went through that she may still have that 'baby bug.'

What would you tell her (or not tell her)?

signed,

Glad I am done with that


Dear Glad,

Not getting in the middle sounds like a really wise decision. She is ambivalent. Her husband has been clear and continues to be clear about his position. Sounds like the two of them have some interesting discussions ahead of them. Maybe a professional could help.

I would start by saying, "I can't tell you what to do. When you ask me that, what is it that you really are wanting?" If she says, "I really want you to tell me what to do!" Then the two of you can laugh together and it might be a light spot for her. She might not even know for sure what she is wanting and asking her could help her get clearer.

Then I would say, "I can't tell you what to do. I have thought a lot about your situation and what you have gone through and wondered what I would do if I were in your shoes." Then, if she still wanted to talk about it, I might tell her what I had been thinking: "I can understand both sides of the issue. Your husband has been very clear all along that he only wants two children. For him, having another biological child isn't important. On the other hand, now that you have one of your own, having another one seems important to you. I can understand that, too. There is not one right answer here. What is important is that you and he work it out so that you come to a mutual agreement, because in the long run that will deepen your relationship."

I would go on to say, "Could you ask him not to have the surgery yet? He has been clear about what he wants, and he may remain clear. However, if you tell him you are having second thoughts and want some more time, he might be willing to process the issue with you. Could you ask him to talk to a therapist with you? This is a situation where someone who is trained in working with couples might be able to help the two of you process this difference in opinion and desire. Maybe you will change your mind. Maybe he will change his. Maybe nothing will change. Even if the latter is true, you can come to some understanding between the two of you that can help your relationship down the road."

This kind of dilemma is very important in a relationship. If they can get through it skillfully, it can bring them closer and help them understand each other, as well as increase their mutual respect. If they bumble through it and one or both of them makes a decision based on capitulation and resentment, it can destroy the relationship later if not sooner.

I would encourage her to find a way to work this through with her husband. In some regards, the decision they make is not nearly as important as working it out so that they both feel heard and respected. Hopefully, they will end up seeing eye to eye whatever decision they end up making.

That's what I'd do. I hope this helps.

Wanda

Please send your questions to whatwouldwandado@comcast.net or post them below by clicking on "comments".

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Help me, Wanda, to get motivated!

Dear Wanda, what is a good way to get motivated to do a big project that you just don't want to take the time or the energy to do?......example: painting the last 2 rooms left to paint in my house!


Good question. Interestingly enough, this is not a simple question to answer because motivation differs from one person to another. Some people are motivated by finding pleasure, some by avoiding pain or displeasure. Some are motivated by rewards (buying that CD or pair of slacks you've been wanting), some by the intrinsic value of the project ("The house will be finished!" or "Those two rooms look so much better--now I can stand to go in them!"). So the answer for Wanda very well might not be the answer for you. The question then becomes, "What motivates you?"

An issue of consideration is "How am I feeling?" If I am tired and worn, not very much could motivate me to paint two rooms of my house--not even having my mother come to visit.

Another thing to consider: "What are my priorities?" If I have vegetables to can that will spoil while I am painting, then the veggies become the priority. If I don't have any energy left after the canning, then the painting will just have to wait. I might have other deadlines to meet that will cost me late fees that I don't want to pay (pain avoidance) and that outweighs my desire to paint the rooms (search for beauty and completion). The bills become a higher priority.

But for the sake of this question, let's assume we are healthy and have some energy and that we don't have pressing needs above the painting.

You don't say whether you have kids. If this were my chore and I had kids, I would give them some paint (something that my final coat would cover) and let them have at the room. How much fun would that be? Let them paint whatever they want (remember to test this stuff so you know your final coat will cover it!) and everybody could have a good time doing it. Then...the place would be such a mess after we had had a really good time, I would be motivated to put on the finish coat and make the room look like new.

OR...

I would schedule it in my calendar. I'd make a date with myself and my paint roller. I actually like painting. More to the point, I like the finished product. I would put it in my date book and let nothing else get in the way, and I would revel in the feeling of watching the chore be accomplished...inch by lovely inch.

Either way, I'd try to make it fun.

That's what I'd do.

Wanda

Email your question to whatwouldwandado@comcast.net or post it as a comment by clicking on "Comments" below. (Comments are welcome, too!)

Sunday, September 03, 2006

I'll be BACH...

...and you be Beethoven.

Okay...okay.

So, I had a very successful shopping trip. For the record, I went to IKEA and found several things I was hoping to find. Those of you who are familiar with the store know what that means--the last two days, I have been putting things together and getting stuff put away.

Please, bear with me and keep coming back. I will answer your questions. Promise.

Have a good Sunday!

Wanda