i'm on drugs

(my big fat greek--okay, not greek--ankle)

While there is a lower class I am in it, while there is a criminal element I am of it; while there is a soul in prison, I am not free.

~ Eugene V. Debs ~
American labor and political leader,
and nominee for the 1924 Nobel Peace Prize
(1855-1926)

I'm depressed.

No, I am not on antidepressants--nor do I need to be. I am using pain medication subsequent to the procedure I had on Friday. The one where the doctor stuck a needle into my ankle and filled me with sugar water. Three times, he did that. Wonder why I didn't think to take my sugar orally?

The pain of the procedure wasn't bad. I tolerated it. The discomfort following the injections continues to reduce on a daily basis and I am still hopeful that this will prevent my needing surgery (even if I have to get another set of injections--or even two more).

I am grateful for the pain medication, too. While I am sure I would have survived and even tolerated the pain, I believe we heal better when a high percentage of our energy is not engaged in managing pain. So, I have used the medication that was prescribed for me. I have even needed and used less than the doctor suggested I could use. I have to tell you, though...I will be very glad not to need it any more because it depresses me.

This is a physiological reaction. I'm not depressed because I am worried about the outcome. I am not depressed because of other events or phenomena in my life. The aftermath of taking the medication I need is depression. I am glad I know that.

I am not taking it personally. I am not trying to find a cause for my depression or manufacture meaning out of it all. Sometimes, depression is purely physiological.

Several weeks ago, I attended a continuing education seminar on the immune system. Did you know that one of the effects of activating one's immune system and causing inflammation can be depression? In fact, research shows that taking aspirin can reduce sadness.

Between the pain medication and inflammatory response (which is how this procedure works--the desired outcome), I have lots of good reason to be depressed. So don't worry about me. I'm fine.

I am going to feel so good when it stops hurting. When my liver clears these drugs out and the inflammation has done its job, I'll be a new person.

Come dance with me....